Don’t forget to visit the Manifesto.
I think I’m going to create the ultimate software development methodology. It’ll be revolutionary compared to others because it will focus on the one thing that gets software done. Its entire focus will be this one, glorious, completely useful activity for writing software. It’s name even embodies the perfection of this programming methodology. The name is:
That’s right, my software development methodology will be: programming, motherfucker.
How will we solve problems? By programming, motherfucker.
How will we do testing? By programming, motherfucker.
How will be complete tasks on time and under budget? By programming, motherfucker.
How will we make sure the programmers are happy and doing their jobs? By programming, motherfucker.
Obviously there’s some details to this so let’s lay out how you do this amazing new process:
- Write out a list of shit to do, using software written with some programming, motherfucker.
- Do some of the shit, again using programming, motherfucker.
- Test if that shit’s any good, and if not then go fix it with programming, motherfucker.
Then you just run this in a while loop until it’s done. It’s awesome because it does the one thing that actually gets software up and running. Pretty much all the other methodologies are about the analog to Programming, Motherfucker which is…
To help with Programming, Motherfucker, you need some Management, Asshole. Management, Asshole is all about making sure that Programming is allowed to happen, Motherfucker. Management goes out and sees if the shit being built will sell, runs the business, tracks what’s going on, works out the marketing, figures out the strategic plans, orders the cookies and sodas, anything that’s not…Programming, Motherfucker.
To do Management, Asshole, you just do this:
- Find out what the customers want by asking them.
- Get what the Programming Motherfuckers need to get shit done.
- Tell the Programming Motherfuckers when their shit is not good enough to sell.
It’d work great. I’m sure of it, and shit, it’s gotta be better than whatever obsession has gripped the software industry these days since it’s actually doing…Programming, Motherfucker.
P.S. If you need it to have a Japanese sounding name, then call it “Puroguramingu, Mazaafakkaa”