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Suicide

..so yeah, I met that guy today, he said he wanted to commit suicide. We talked for a while, he was drunk, confused and almost crying. He said that girls didn’t like him, that he didn’t like his life as it was. I told him to think of the sea and the hot sand and that, that’s what makes life nice, not money or girls or fancy cars. The smell of cookies, a fluffy cupcake, a bicycle ride in a park, it’s all about the little things. He kept saying he is a good guy, that he never hurt anyone or talked bad, and that everyone kept making a fool of him. He said he was alone, that he lived in an apartment with his mother, the only person he had, near the new mall that opened in that neighbourhood, and that the mall was destroying him. I told him that whatever one does, he should do it because that feels right to him, because that makes him true to himself even if it doesn’t make him feel better every time. I told him that the opinion of others doesn’t matter, what matters is how one feels for himself, and if he’s happy with it then others can go say whatever they can come up with. If you’re right to yourself and know to appreciate moment and people for their being then there is no reason that words from others should affect you. His mother (I believe) came out then, and called him in. I hope he remembers a thing or two about it tomorrow.

Hide the petals underneath that bedroom floorboard
and they will wither without fail or success.
Put the people in the hollow box they crafted,
bolt the doors and watch them perish.
Its a cautious descent, so polite and pensive at first.
But the only truth is change, have patience
(every hundredth year, a single breath and then its over…)
Even if only for a minute for a minute its over.
Even if only for a minute.

- so how did it end? can you describe those final days?
broken windows, and resting eyes.
- can you tell us what happened here?
they finally got sick of it all, they just gave up on accepting fate. that was the loophole, they found the achilles heel and managed to strike it down. at the feet of the ruins is a dormant structure. dormant but breathing, still breathing. the wind sweeps through its hallways, echoing at the establishment of their caretakers. an exhaltation of cold premonition.
- can you describe what took place?
the shock, sounds from a hollow box. a corner to dive in. i touched their misery, he just went to sleep. an exhalation of cold breath.
- the kind of breath you could see?
the shock, the terror. behold the riddle of the ruins. when a door is not a door. behold the riddle of the ruins, adore.
- describe the feeling when you knew it all would end. in those final days.
he gave up. behold a branch will continue to grow
- how did it all end that night? last night, did they?
fear, and a touch of their misery
- and he just stopped breathing?
it was a single lesson, he just layed down, sounds from a hollow box just went to sleep. dormant, dormant but still breathing. took a final breath. he just went to sleep and just stopped breathing. a single lesson will be taught we will all be taught. behold the final breath. when they knew it all would end. still breathing and he just stopped. stopped breathing. we will all be taught, taught how to swallow bark.

So brave in the face of all those roots that ruin,
to stand so tall when in fact in ruins.
To face that corner of the box and dive in,
just the sound alone of its humble breath.
A murmur from the ruins echoes softly as the roots undo, and the branch becomes…

~ Circle Takes the Square :: Interview at the Ruins – 13 Apr 2011

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